My father died on Wednesday, October 25th, at the age of 80. He was a teacher, a good teach and a bad teacher. The lessons were not planned, were not thought through, were not structure, but they were lessons and the tests were even at times life threatening. They were mostly not easy. I knew my father as an alcoholic, and a man who had a volatile temper. We never knew to expect. Today when I see fathers, I question what kind of father I had. I could place a lot of blame on his character and make excuses for any action I wish to justify. But my father being who he was, become one of several great teachers that I have had in my life, and today I count myself fortunate to have had the many lessons I got. My mother had taught me that the application of knowledge is power, with the emphasis on the application. Together she and my father shaped what is a substantial part of who I am today.
The last time I saw my father, March 2006
In honoring my father’s life, I want to talk about some of the lesson that has had a profound impact on my life. As I said, some of these lessons were painful. I learnt that I do have control of my destiny. My father gave up his control when he drank, so I chose to be careful with whom I had a drink, how much or where. I learnt that alcoholism is detrimental to health, wealth and wellbeing as a person, and have dedicated myself to never having a hangover or losing control of my faculties and abilities. This lesson has enabled me to have compassion when it is needed, wisdom to make good judgments, and many more things. I learnt to respect not just other, but myself too. From my father’s life, I learnt strength of character. I learnt to respect and love women, but also to be a protector of women and children, to cherish the ones I love. Dad often had remorse for his actions I vowed that I want to live a life without remorse. He did not know his father, but I was privileged to know mine.
My father taught me other things, some had the most profound impact on my life. My father taught me to swim in a bath tub. We would bath together every Sunday evening when I was little and would play a game in the tub. I would put me head underwater and he would count how long I held my breath. I always felt that I was breaking records, and I was. He later taught me to snorkel and some of the best times I had with him was off Cape Point. I learnt to spear fish, dive for crayfish and perlamoen. More important my father taught me not to fear the sea, but to respect the sea. He taught me how to harness the power of the ocean. I think he was very proud of what I did with those lessons, especially when I became a renowned solo yachtsman. My very first sail was with my father in False Bay when he took me to Simonstown on a day we could not go out on a fishing boat. And yes, sitting on the dock at Kalk Bay, he taught me to fish and I have fished in many different ways in my life. There is an old saying that ends with teach a man to fish and he eats for a life time. My father taught me well in this skill.
My father loved reading. He read Papilon to me one Christmas. I grew up with real life stories of his adventures on the Orange River and the West Coast. He gave me a peek into a world and enabled me to build a door into that world. He wanted to write a book, and never did, so I published two books, my latest the winner of the US National Book Award for 2005. He wanted to travel the world, and hence I have. Dad loved telling me stories. His stories would go on into the early hours of the morning if Mom allowed them to. Today I get paid to tell my life story to audiences around the world. I have become a world famous keynote speaker in demand from companies like IBM, Burger King, Prudential, Mass Mutual and many fortune 50 corporations. Because of some of the lessons my father taught me, the good and the bad, I am able to give millions of people hope for success. My father is a part of every keynote I deliver.
I am grateful to be the son of Eddie Petersen. He, along with my mother, was a great teacher. They gave me a deck of cards, and I have learnt to play those hands extremely well. I am grateful to my sister Jan for taking care of my father while I have been absent, and for looking after my mother and being there for her. I may not have done all the things my family has expected of me, or agreed with every lesson that my family has taught, but I am grateful for all the opportunities that have come to me for having been a part of this family.
Now my father sits at the same table with many great sea faring explores, adventures and heroes of mine like Magellan, Joshua Slocum and Harry Mitchell. While he sits at that great table, he continues to enable me to be the best person that I can be, to make the best impact I will know how. I will always be a student of my father, and hence a teacher to millions of others because of him. He is the old seafarers in John Masefield’s…Sea Fever…
I MUST go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,
And a gray mist on the sea's face, and a gray dawn breaking.
I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.
I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way and the whale's way, where the wind's like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over.
Your loving son,
Neal
